Beethoven piano no.1 and bruckner no.4 symphony 

tonight i listen to beethoven and brucker by the london philharmonic orchetra – the sound of london philharmonic orchestra is unified and synchronised – in the beethoven no.1 piano concerto – sometimes the orchestra joined the piano – at a time that you didn’t know when – sometimes the orchestra emerged like a bam on the drum – the russian pianist tonight had very fast fingers – beethoven no.1 is almost like from mozart .

i loved the romantic no.4 symphony from bruckner so much tonight – i seemed to never be interested in this composer altho his work is widely played in london and europe – i listened to many of his pieces but didn’t know why people liked it – but i liked the version tonight played by london philharmonic orchestra . for example the horn tonight was very beautiful – in the middle – the horn repeatedly called the orchestra out by the same tone – then the strings accelerated in volume and emerged suddenly like a wave running up the beach and clashed with the cliff – and disappeared – it also sounded like someone kept going back to the beginning to restart the music . another part i liked was when the melody was played on the cellos and violas and violins were plucking the strings – then the melody got passed onto the violas when the cellos and violins were plucking the strings – then the violins took over the melodies – it’s the same melody – but it got passed onto the next instrument – elegantly. 

i thought about many things today – and i was a bit down .


first i realised that i was always weighing whether something was worthy – and that made me very tired . for example , i would think whether it’s worthy to use parents’ money to pay london rent if i would not find interesting jobs – i would weigh whether it’s worthy to come to london last year and to leave america . but then i found all these weighing very complicated and useless – other than making me tired . but during the concert i was thinking – instead of asking myself whether something is worthy or not – i shall ask myself whether i like it or not .

here is my new strategy to life :

do not make myself tired by keep weighing whether things are worthy

do things that i love even if they look unworthy at the moment


yesterday mom commented to me like this about the bad and corrupted people i worked with at the university last year in academia – that i tried my best to run away from . she said – we often think it’s the good people that helped us to succeed – but in reality – sometimes it’s the bad people that helped us to succeed – no matter good people or bad people – our job is to find the opportunity .

if it were not the bad people at the university that i worked with last year that are so corrupted – i would never want to get out of academia this early – in that sense – bad people make us miss bad opportunities – so that we are faced with good opportunities – isn’t that a good thing ?


about the offers that i didn’t get and the interviews that didn’t go well – mom said – when you fail something – do not feel it a pity – also think about whether it was a good fit in the very beginning . mom said there were many things in her life that she wished so much to get – but in the end she felt so relieved that she didn’t get .

she gave me an example that when i was little she really wanted to get onto a bus – but she couldn’t – but then she saw the bus immediately had an accident after being 100 meters away – how she realised that how lucky she was to not get onto that bus that she wished that she could get on .

if i think about the company that i failed the interviews at – not all of them are good fits . at least – some of them – i can already see from the interviewing process that this boss will be such a hard thing to deal with – or the ones with not very pretty offices . hm .



ok it’s 1:39am – i’m going to sleep .





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